Hello, and peace and grace to friends and family, and anyone else who reads this:
It has been some time since I last wrote about the happenings of my life. My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, has shown me great and wonderful things that I still don't, and perhaps, never will fully understand. After the passing of my mother, the following 3 months I was nothing but an emotional wreck. So much so that I was unable to be alone in my apartment--more about that later. So, I ended up staying with a most wonderful family, the Carrolls. For three months they ministered to me concerning so many things about God's love for me. I am truly grateful for how they have supported me through a most difficult period of time in my life. No amount of words could truly express my sincere gratitude for them. It is my prayer that God would continue to bless them for being such willing servants.
As I mentioned earlier, I struggled with living in my apartment. In fact, wen I would be there for even a few hours, I would experience such depression to the point of having suicidal thoughts. And this is where life got real interesting for me, because this went on from March until May. However, after one to many strange incidents had occurred within my apartment, it had been determined that there was something going on spiritually both within me and the apartment. This, in turn, lead to 4 individuals from Mount Pleasant Baptist Church (MPBC) anointing everything in my apartment. Also, God told me to allow them to lay hands on me as well.
Now, let me say here, that it would be a week after my home had been anointed that it was revealed to me that there, in fact, had been demons there and that there were unclean spirits attached to me as well--I am not saying that I was demon possessed. As it has been explained to me, we all have unclean spirits attached to us, which influences our behavior. And the reason why it had not been revealed to me prior to all of this was because of my unbelief in spiritual warfare.
I realize that to both nonbelievers and believers alike, that what I have said sounds crazy, but I am not crazy--I am a very logical person. I am quite normal: I have a 9-5 job with the federal government in the information technology field, I grew up in Chicago; I do volunteer work. I am no more abnormal than the ppl on FaceBook, or anyone you might meet on the street.
And prior to 2006 I did not believe in Jesus christ either: that He died for my sins, and that I have eternal life because of His death and resurrection. And some would say that I was brainwashed but that is not so either.
Believe me, I was very resistant to all those ppl anointing my home and laying hands on me for that matter. My mind really struggled with the concept of spiritual warfare, Satan, and demons. And yet, I could not deny what I would experience in my apartment prior the anointing, and what I experienced when they laid hands upon me and let me speak more to this experience.
In the 2nd chapter of the book of Acts it talks about how they became filled with the Holy Spirit, but the people accused them of being drunk. Well, I to experienced what is described: I felt both intoxicated and weak to the point of being on the floor for a half hour or better, but I was not passed out. I was there but I wasn't there. Try to think of the one time in your life whereby you experienced immense joy and happiness, and multiply that by 1000, and it still would not even begin to describe what it feels like to be filled or slain in the Holy Spirit. And for those of you who have experienced the pleasure of sex and having an orgasm, it is far better than that.
Anyhow, after I was able to stand on my feet, I played my piano but to this day, and don't know what I played, it just came out. And I later discovered that where there previously had been pain in my wrists for almost six months, they were miraculously healed, and the pain has not returned since. So what has life been like since all of this.
First and foremost, I have been living in my apartment and no longer have suicidal thoughts, which is very good. Secondly, where as I have always struggled with depression and getting rest, I now sleep peacefully. I can truly say that I have experienced the kind of peace that scripture says surpasses all understanding (see Philippians 4:7). Jeremiah 33:6 says: I will heal them and reveal to the abundance of peace and truth.
In June and under the direction of the Holy Spirit, I went to Chicago to confront and tell the person who had abused me when I was a child, that I had forgiven them. However, that person did not show up, but that does not matter because the Lord has allowed me to forgive in my heart. It was not until after hands had been laid on me that I realized how heavy the burden of the spirit of unforgiveness had been on me. It is my hope that if there is any unforgiveness within any of my friends/family's lives, that they would release it to God, for you do not want to be a slave to unforgiveness; it only wears you down.
Although I have experienced many things that I cannot even begin to comprehend, there is not a day whereby I don't miss my mother. I miss being able to call her an say hello. Some times I call the house phone hoping that it would go to voicemail so that I can here her voice that announces the greeting. I also miss my husband whom I have been separated from for a year, and our divorce is pending.
And yet, where there has been great sadness and grief abound within my life over the past year, God has shown me great joy and peace. And like Jacob I to wrestle with the Lord but ultimately He wins. I struggle with believing and being obedient to His sovereign will for my life. But in my struggle I am learning to put my hope in Him rather than those things that are of this world.
Finally, if it were not for the great love of my church family from MPBC I don't know where I would be. If it had not been for my wonderful counselor at the Maher Christian counseling center, again, I don't know where I would be. And I know that none of these ppl did not come into my life by chance, but by the love and grace of Jesus Christ.
God Bless each and every one of you!
Ameenah
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