The pece in knowing Jesus Christ

Hello, and peace and grace to friends and family, and anyone else who reads this:

It has been some time since I last wrote about the happenings of my life. My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, has shown me great and wonderful things that I still don't, and perhaps, never will fully understand. After the passing of my mother, the following 3 months I was nothing but an emotional wreck. So much so that I was unable to be alone in my apartment--more about that later. So, I ended up staying with a most wonderful family, the Carrolls. For three months they ministered to me concerning so many things about God's love for me. I am truly grateful for how they have supported me through a most difficult period of time in my life. No amount of words could truly express my sincere gratitude for them. It is my prayer that God would continue to bless them for being such willing servants.

As I mentioned earlier, I struggled with living in my apartment. In fact, wen I would be there for even a few hours, I would experience such depression to the point of having suicidal thoughts. And this is where life got real interesting for me, because this went on from March until May. However, after one to many strange incidents had occurred within my apartment, it had been determined that there was something going on spiritually both within me and the apartment. This, in turn, lead to 4 individuals from Mount Pleasant Baptist Church (MPBC) anointing everything in my apartment. Also, God told me to allow them to lay hands on me as well.

Now, let me say here, that it would be a week after my home had been anointed that it was revealed to me that there, in fact, had been demons there and that there were unclean spirits attached to me as well--I am not saying that I was demon possessed. As it has been explained to me, we all have unclean spirits attached to us, which influences our behavior. And the reason why it had not been revealed to me prior to all of this was because of my unbelief in spiritual warfare.

I realize that to both nonbelievers and believers alike, that what I have said sounds crazy, but I am not crazy--I am a very logical person. I am quite normal: I have a 9-5 job with the federal government in the information technology field, I grew up in Chicago; I do volunteer work. I am no more abnormal than the ppl on FaceBook, or anyone you might meet on the street.

And prior to 2006 I did not believe in Jesus christ either: that He died for my sins, and that I have eternal life because of His death and resurrection. And some would say that I was brainwashed but that is not so either.

Believe me, I was very resistant to all those ppl anointing my home and laying hands on me for that matter. My mind really struggled with the concept of spiritual warfare, Satan, and demons. And yet, I could not deny what I would experience in my apartment prior the anointing, and what I experienced when they laid hands upon me and let me speak more to this experience.

In the 2nd chapter of the book of Acts it talks about how they became filled with the Holy Spirit, but the people accused them of being drunk. Well, I to experienced what is described: I felt both intoxicated and weak to the point of being on the floor for a half hour or better, but I was not passed out. I was there but I wasn't there. Try to think of the one time in your life whereby you experienced immense joy and happiness, and multiply that by 1000, and it still would not even begin to describe what it feels like to be filled or slain in the Holy Spirit. And for those of you who have experienced the pleasure of sex and having an orgasm, it is far better than that.

Anyhow, after I was able to stand on my feet, I played my piano but to this day, and don't know what I played, it just came out. And I later discovered that where there previously had been pain in my wrists for almost six months, they were miraculously healed, and the pain has not returned since. So what has life been like since all of this.

First and foremost, I have been living in my apartment and no longer have suicidal thoughts, which is very good. Secondly, where as I have always struggled with depression and getting rest, I now sleep peacefully. I can truly say that I have experienced the kind of peace that scripture says surpasses all understanding (see Philippians 4:7). Jeremiah 33:6 says: I will heal them and reveal to the abundance of peace and truth.

In June and under the direction of the Holy Spirit, I went to Chicago to confront and tell the person who had abused me when I was a child, that I had forgiven them. However, that person did not show up, but that does not matter because the Lord has allowed me to forgive in my heart. It was not until after hands had been laid on me that I realized how heavy the burden of the spirit of unforgiveness had been on me. It is my hope that if there is any unforgiveness within any of my friends/family's lives, that they would release it to God, for you do not want to be a slave to unforgiveness; it only wears you down.

Although I have experienced many things that I cannot even begin to comprehend, there is not a day whereby I don't miss my mother. I miss being able to call her an say hello. Some times I call the house phone hoping that it would go to voicemail so that I can here her voice that announces the greeting. I also miss my husband whom I have been separated from for a year, and our divorce is pending.

And yet, where there has been great sadness and grief abound within my life over the past year, God has shown me great joy and peace. And like Jacob I to wrestle with the Lord but ultimately He wins. I struggle with believing and being obedient to His sovereign will for my life. But in my struggle I am learning to put my hope in Him rather than those things that are of this world.

Finally, if it were not for the great love of my church family from MPBC I don't know where I would be. If it had not been for my wonderful counselor at the Maher Christian counseling center, again, I don't know where I would be. And I know that none of these ppl did not come into my life by chance, but by the love and grace of Jesus Christ.

God Bless each and every one of you!

Ameenah

The Passing of Mom

On February 23, 2007, Sandra Kay Chapman went to be with the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and the Father. She had been battling Multiple Myeloma since 2005 which she faught until the end. But in the end, she had decided that everything had been done, and that all interventions were to be discontinued. Although I wasn't present during her last hours on this earth--I was traveling from D.C to Chicago--it is my understanding that she left this earth peacefully and with grace. Her memory will be lived on through her six children incl 3 children with her husband of 22 years, stepdaughter, an adopted son, and myself, ranging from ages 36 to 15.The memory that stands out the most for me was when I was eleven and she was 6 mths pregnant with my sister. She and her husband took in her nephew whom they raised as a son. Even though those first few months were challenging for all of the family--even I had to do night-time feedings-for me, this spoke to her amazing capacity for compassion, generosity and love for keeping family together. Mom also loved learning and education, and in 2004 she completed her Bachelors' degree, for it had taken her well over 15 years to finished but she did it! Other than Jesus Christ, she is the only person that I would ever want to emulate. And speaking of Jesus Christ, she was not a believer in any kind of religion, nor did she raise us to believe or accept religious teachings. However, I will say that when I was younger and before my siblings had been born, every night she would read to me Psalm 23, and on Sundays I awoke to the sounds of praise and worship music. This leads me to believe that she had been thinking about faith and Jesus Christ but was unsure. And with addition of children, she may have ceased her religious exploration, but I don't know that for a fact. All I know is that my younger siblings did not have these experiences with her as myself, which is regrettable. So when I had excepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, and experience the power of His saving Grace, I so very much desired that she would have faith in Christ as well. Over the past six months, it had been on my heart and daily prayer that she would accept Jesus Christ. It is my understanding from both her husband and sister-in-law who is a Pastor, she had developed a personal relationship with the Father and with Christ during the last month of her life; my soul rejoyced and I wept with such tears of joy. The Bible does teach us that if you have had a lifetime or one moment with the Father, you will have eternal life, and eternal life is the ultimate form of healing when you are a part of the body of Christ. It just goes to show how god gives us many chances to answer the call of faith, and He will use anything and everything to work on our heart and spirit; it was my mother's cancer diagnosis that encouraged me to answer that call back in 2006. So even though my mother will no longer walk through that front door, or call my name, I shall not grieve her departure from the world because I know that we will see each other soon. In the mean time, I will do that which what the Bible teaches, and honor thy mother and thy father, by continuing to live, learn, show compassion to others, be generous in my actions, and have a love for family. Thank you Jesus for the life that you Blessed my mother with, for I know that all things come from you. Amen!!!